In Amazing Company

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Fifteen years ago a pharmaceutical company rented a limo for a few vets in town. They drove us to a neighboring city to feed us champagne, a steak dinner and information on the latest and greatest drug. I was barely a vet and already a business owner. So you can imagine that my struggle was real. As we made our way to dinner, the vets and I began our superficial chit chat but it quickly digressed into a group therapy session. 

We talked about our businesses, our clients, our employees and story after story flowed as easily as the champagne, each veterinarian able to top the other. In that moment, I felt a wonderful sense of camaraderie. I was not alone. I mean, my God, Dr. X over there was really in trouble! So while my young self, residing firmly in my ego, was delighted that I wasn’t the only one struggling, that night would be the first flicker at what has now become The Veterinary Compassion Fatigue Project. That night I hurt for my colleagues and for myself yet I knew I was in amazing company. 

Typically we are armed with our bravado like bullet proof glass to protect our fragile egos. If we admit we are struggling or need help, once again, we feel we might be perceived as weak, or even worse we feel weak. But give vets a little champagne and a long ride in a limo and before you know it, we are broadcasting our deepest, darkest secrets. That night we dropped the resume exchange and we just talked about our struggles. It was real and it was incredible. I could never in a million years tell you what company was peddling what, but that night would remain with me. Why? Because we need each other. We are the only ones that know what we go through- the good and the bad. 

That yummy champagne took us from our egos to our hearts. I wasn’t there anymore to prove myself worthy or feel better than them. I was there to listen to my colleagues with an open heart and empathize with them. In return, I wanted them to empathize with me. I wanted to hear, “Man that sucks.” I didn’t need a solution. I just wanted an ear of someone who really got it. 

So while The Veterinary Compassion Fatigue Project will be a place that ultimately gives you step by step instructions on how to heal and change your life forever, we have to eat that elephant one bite at a time. Pardon that grotesque metaphor. This is the place where we can be together. We can share our stories without judgment. We can be an ear. Or maybe you just read these blogs in the middle of the night when you cannot sleep and feel a little less lonely. 

Here are the two takeaways – we need each other maybe even more than we realize, and we have to work every single day to reside in our hearts and not our egos. Our ego gets us into trouble. It’s not who we are but who we think we are. And there are few professions that churn out the egos like medical schools, understandably but sadly. We walk out on graduation day needing to know A LOT. We are often challenged by our clients with Dr. Google and we have lives in our hands. Of course we are living in our egos, protecting them, needing to be right and solving all the problems. We want to be everyone’s hero. How could this possibly end well for us? Well, it doesn’t, of course. 

Please stay tuned for tips on living heart centered and lovingly letting go of our egos. In this, our compassion will flow and it will not fatigue. While I address veterinarians directly because it is what I know, this program is meant for anyone in the animal care field. It is tough out there. I hope you find the same camaraderie in The Veterinary Compassion Fatigue Project that I found that night in the limo. 

With love,
Dr. Erin Holder