The Making of a Retreat

Prefer to listen to this blog? Follow me on Spotify and YouTube.

Referencing back to an earlier blog, In Amazing Company, just a few years after opening my own vet hospital, I took a limo ride with other veterinary business owners where the idea for some sort of gathering for us sad and confused souls arose. It would gestate for decades before serendipitously coming to fruition. 

Throughout the years, I met other business owners and over a glass of wine, we would commiserate on the difficulties of owning that business, whether a veterinary clinic, local restaurant, or a small retail store in the downtown area. We always found our way to the topic of how those around us would reference feelings that they knew better how to run the business than us. It never failed. Every single business owner that I got to know, encountered this same problem. We talked about the give and take of owning the business, how we could make more money but we were never off duty. 

So let me take a detour for just a brief moment by saying cheers to the ones that actually did open the business, any business. Take a moment to appreciate that while others may say they could do it better, simply put, they did not. You did. You opened the business. You put yourself out on a limb. You took all the risks and my hope for you is that you reap all of the benefits. 

So fast forward decades later, in the depths of compassion fatigue, I sold my practice to run away to a tropical island to heal. Here I have had the luxurious benefit of basking in the realization that not only am I human, but I also have a lot of learning to do. In searching for answers and trying to get a handle on my wound up, stressed out, shell of self, I crafted my meditation practice and began working on my instructor certification. I began writing in an attempt to make an organized picture of where I actually went wrong. I had been living at such a breakneck speed for so long, I had no time to stop and reflect. Now all I have is time but more on that later. 

I sat on the beaches of Waimanalo, Hawaii and read articles and books on compassion fatigue and tried to understand the science, the emotion and the physical aspect of this emerging phenomenon. In search of more knowledge, I completed certification in compassion fatigue training for healthcare professionals. Then I was struck with the craziest thought, “What if someone had brought me this literature and any information on compassion fatigue to help me ten years ago?” Well, I would do what many of us veterinarians would do. I would reply, “Awe, that is so cute, but actually I don’t have compassion fatigue. I was born to do this.” In fact, about a year ago, I reached out to a group that helps women veterinary business owners about creating a compassion fatigue program with me. I got a curt email back stating that not only did she not have compassion fatigue, she was in the process of purchasing yet another hospital. I sadly wished her the very best and deleted her email. I was just like that, stubborn, unable to admit that I was suffering and moving full steam ahead because I knew no other way. Driving down the interstate at 100 miles an hour without stopping ends in two scenarios, you run out of gas or you crash. You never reach your destination because as this type of doctor, you are always pushing the destination farther away. Our staff is more willing to admit they are suffering and need help than we are. 

About a year after moving to Hawaii, I started to emerge from my cocoon of thoughts and reflection and circle back to the idea of a retreat that had been subconsciously gestating for so long. I got a tip that possibly a large chain hotel in Waikiki would be interested in hosting my event and excitedly made a call to speak about booking a space. When I began talking to the event coordinator about the fatigue and suffering of veterinarians, she quickly cut me off and asked, “How many will be attending?” I was a little taken aback by her abruptness, but answered, “I think about a hundred.” The next sentence from her was, “We are not interested in such a small retreat. This would be a waste of our time.” Shocked, I hung up the phone and sat very still at my dining room table. What the actual hell just happened? I wanted to dial her back and scream, “I am on a mission to help my community, you corporate, rude bean counter!” Instead, I sat deflated and sad. A little voice inside my head piped up, “Not yet. Not right now.” This little voice was born from hours upon hours of meditation and reflection. I now understand that jamming something through just because I think it is the right thing, is no way to exist. So I listened to that little voice and I let it go. I did not think about a retreat again until one night months later at a veterinary conference after-gathering, a beautiful woman about my age, sat down next to me. 

We began getting to know one another and interestingly, I told her that I was close to completing my meditation instruction certification. I had told no one else at the conference. She asked who I was training with and I told her Deepak Chopra. To this day, I cannot believe what happened next. She chuckled and said that she had worked with Deepak Chopra for 20 years running his retreats. She went on to say how much she missed creating retreats and how she wanted to get back into it. My little voice piped up again, “See? This is what happens when you are patient.” I stared at her for a moment and then began telling her of the vision that I had from so long ago to create a healing space for our community. She got tears in her eyes and said, “I too, want to help our community but I wasn’t sure how.” It was the beginning of a wonderful friendship and partnership. 

I got home from the conference and named The Veterinary Compassion Fatigue Project, created the logo, and wrote my first blog. Each week I sit down to write a blog with a general idea of the topic and each week I am stunned as the story unfolds before me. It’s like someone else is writing it and I am typing the words and learning from my own blogs. As we get closer to announcing the restorative retreat launch and going about trying to convince veterinarians that they need this more than they could ever imagine, I find myself deeply grateful for our union. I see how she works the budget, the location, the food choices and ideas. I know that I could never have done this without her. I see that together we make an incredible team where we each focus on our own special areas. I would have put together some half-baked retreat probably serving granola bars if I had not listened to my little voice that said, “Not yet. Not right now.” 

So why is a retreat what you need? There are several reasons and this is the blog to convince you. First of all, most compassion fatigue lectures come in small blips here and there. Maybe you get a few hours at VMX or other conferences, but then you hop to the next lecture on otitis media or congenital cardiac defects. This could prove even more dangerous than not hearing any information on compassion fatigue at all. Perhaps you go to the lectures and listen and then check that off your list. Now you are a compassion fatigue expert and you can move on to other more pressing things. You will be reluctant to waste your time on this topic until you are in the throes of compassion fatigue and burnout. 

My second reason is that in order to properly address something so powerful and transformative, you should be temporarily lifted out of your environment, leaving all your duties behind (including spouses and children) and submerge for just a few days in all things self-care. It is so difficult to take a short class on compassion fatigue and instantly move back into life to apply it. It seems, well, impossible. Even that late night yoga class that feels incredible gets washed away when we walk back into our home. We have to learn skills, just like we learned to suture a wound closed, and practice them every single day. When we slide away from them, we have practiced enough to feel secure that they are there for us when we need to go back. 

And last but certainly not least, to be among other animal care workers who have let down their guard and have made the leap to get help is, in and of itself, healing. Together we are so much stronger. And if we have this community of healing and we go back to our own lives, how wonderful to be able to reach out to someone that understands what we are going through. We can all be there for each other when we need it. 

So why me? Why have I appointed myself the chosen one? Well to be honest, there are not a lot of people actually talking about it. Or making enough noise for those to hear it. I had to work super hard to push past my imposter syndrome (feeling like a fraud for those who have never heard that expression) to conclude that somebody needs to be talking and talking really loudly. I have experience and a great big mouth, so it looks like it’s going to be me. I genuinely believe in what I speak about. I see how it transformed my life and I know it can help others. And like I said, at this moment, I have the time. So why not give back in a meaningful way? 

Putting a retreat together is no small feat. We crunched numbers to figure out how to break even. My partner scouted locations. We signed a contract to reserve rooms in the hope that we can get enough registrations. We chose the audiovisual equipment and reserved that. We work the food and beverage budget. Now we design the content. This is undoubtedly a labor of love and once again I find myself with my partner out on a limb. But nothing great was ever created by clinging to the tree trunk. 

Still not convinced that this retreat is for you? Visit my website, theveterinarycompassionfatigueproject.com and take the compassion fatigue quiz to gauge your level of fatigue. Even if you are mildly fatigued, do not wait until you have reached your breaking point. Let our loving community surround you. Let’s drink delicious wine together and learn the art of turning inward. Mark your calendar for April 3rd-6th, 2025 and watch our website for the ticket launch. It will be our greatest honor to host you in Northern California. 

Find me on The Veterinary Compassion Fatigue Project Spotify Podcast, my website, Facebook and YouTube @TVCFP. Let’s keep talking about what we face in the veterinary and animal care world and ways that we can help each other. Reach out if you have a particular topic you would love to hear about. Subscribe to hear updates on our annual restoration retreat to be launched in Spring of 2025. As always, I hope you find what you are looking for and share it with anyone who needs it.

With love and hope,

Dr. Erin Holder