Wake Up, Silly
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Yesterday morning I got one of the most wonderful phone calls I could ever hope for. My dearest friend called me to tell me about her recent transformation. She excitedly talked and I happily listened. She had met someone that she felt a powerful, deep, spiritual connection to. Now my dear friend has a heart of gold, however, she likes to keep it hidden and protected. She carefully constructed thick walls of protection around her ego during her youth. They were fully intact when I met her. I am a hugger and I love to hug because it is pressing my heart to another’s. I would always hug her and underneath my arms, she would tense up slightly and do her best to pat my back. She only barely tolerated this nonsense. She knew it, I knew it and we laughed about it.
We worked alongside each other for years without ever knowing one another. In my last year of practice, we decided to take a road trip to a conference. Each of us were secretly concerned that we had nothing to talk about and it would be an uncomfortable and painful junket. As the road trip drew near, my anxiety mounted. Finally, it was time to swing by her house and pick her up. Thirty seconds into the trip we were chatting like long lost friends. We talked nonstop until the moment I dropped her off, back at her house, days later. And a few hours after that, I missed her.
That conference was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. When I sold the practice, moved across the world and began my exploration of compassion fatigue, she journeyed with me in spirit. And when I began my teacher training for meditation, you can imagine that I volunteered her to be my first student so I could gain experience for certification. She obliged and I set about to teach this little jumping bean how to be still and meditate.
The reality for non-meditators and driven humans, much like most veterinarians I know, is to be still for even a small period of time is next to impossible. The thought of quieting the mind and turning inward seems like a waste. We could be using that precious time to put dinner on the table, help kids with homework, get them to bed and then have a small piece left over for our partner or ourselves. After such a long day, we don’t want to think, so we click on our cell phones and get lost in the media world, with each scroll likely eliciting some kind of emotion – anger, happiness, fear, frustration, envy, but never peace. This is how we choose to spend our down time?
We sleepwalk through life. We get stuck in the rut of making the same decisions each day, reacting the same to each scenario, choosing the same partners over and over and we wonder why nothing in life is changing. We are able to pinpoint things outside of ourselves that if they would just change, our lives would be better, easier. Our brain convinces us that we are a victim of our circumstances and our environment. While there are many in this world that are truly victims of their circumstances and environment, for the purpose of this blog, I speak only to the ones that can make a change to change their lives.
But how do we wake up? How do we stop sleepwalking through life before decades have flown by? The answer is way more simple than you can imagine. We cannot dream the life we truly want or set intentions to get this life without knowing who we are. And only in the quiet and only in the peace do we discover ourselves. Once we know who we are, the path clears and the world shifts to create a space of infinite possibilities.
It is hopeless for this shift to occur when we are so protective over our own egos that we shut off everything else. We are so afraid to get hurt that we build these imaginary walls to keep ourselves “safe” and in the end, we shut our hearts off. The possibilities for our life dwindles to the same sleepwalking state we are currently in. The many possible paths become one and that one path is just the rut of familiarity.
I have yet to meet someone that has escaped trauma in life. We all have our childhood or our young adult traumas and we have entered a profession that can be traumatic. Whether it is the awful boss, the aggressive client, or the beloved animal that you lost, the veterinary life is difficult. So many ignorant people have told me how lucky I am that I get to be with animals all day long and that I have the best profession in the world. If that is true, then why are we five times more likely to die by suicide than the general population? It is because we are given absolutely no concrete tools to combat compassion fatigue and burnout early in our careers. We are turned out (in too small a number I might add) with no way to deal with what lay ahead.
It is time to wake up. If you think that changing the world around you is the answer, I say with love, wake up. If you think that you will be safe with walls so thick and so high that they are impenetrable, wake up. If you think that finding that one person, your soulmate, is the answer, wake up. You will not find that person until you know who you are. And you cannot find yourself until you stop, quiet your mind and meet yourself.
I lovingly taught my dear friend how to meditate. I think she knew she needed to do something and was reluctant but willing. I love using mantra meditation because it is an inconceivable task to sit down and keep your mind still. Well, it was for me. I like the grounding of the mantra and how when my mind wanders I can bring it right back. The time passes quickly and I can begin to settle in. My heart rate drops, my blood pressure drops and my stress begins to fade away. A memory pops up and I let it go. A thought enters my mind and I just let it go. I begin to understand who I really am and what I want from this life, all from just being still and listening.
She called to tell me about this giant shift she felt in the world, like why for so long she was so resistant to love, why she now wanted to engage with clients and hear their stories and how she met someone very special. She used a word like accidentally or coincidentally, but I gently corrected her. It was not accidental. The work that she had done was unfolding before her. The possibilities were opening up and she found peace. I will tell you that I shed some tears of happiness for her. It is one thing to experience this and a totally different one to see a loved one experience it for themselves. It is nothing short of miraculous.
So, I say with love, what are you waiting for? As silly and pointless as you might think it is, just try it for a month. See what you notice. Give this gift to yourself and join us for one kick ass retreat April 3rd-6th, 2025 in Petaluma, California. There will be so much more to learn on how we can take care of ourselves and our community. So don’t miss it.
Like what you hear? Follow me on The Veterinary Compassion Fatigue Project Spotify and Apple Podcast, my website theveterinarycompassionfatigueproject.com, Facebook, YouTube and Instagram @TVCFP. Let’s keep talking about what we face in the veterinary and animal care world and ways that we can help each other. We are thrilled to announce the first annual restorative retreat April 3rd-6th, 2025 in Petaluma, California. You cannot afford to miss this. Leave your family at home and bring your coworkers. This is meant just for you. As always, I hope you find what you are looking for and share it with anyone who needs it.
With love and hope,
Dr. Erin Holder